A Clean Home and No Yelling
How to achieve a clean home without yelling. A clean home and no yelling, you say. The key is getting your kids to listen.
Did you know you can stop yelling, which will help get your kids to listen? You want them to listen, but the more you yell at them, the less they will listen.
Stop yelling and
- The respect will grow.
- You will feel more connected with your child. And …
- Your child will listen more.
I know that we usually write about home cleaning and do have posts about creating a team environment to support keeping your home clean.
See these posts for reference:
- Good Habits – Create A Habit Cue
- Is being Messy and Disorganized Just A Bad Habit?
- A Clean and Tidy Home (with Kids!)
This post will be about some ideas on how to encourage your children to listen more. It will be better for everyone as extensive research shows that when parents stop yelling and getting upset with a child, the child has fewer discipline issues and misbehaves less. Now that’s a win for you, the family, and most importantly, the child.
An added benefit is that your child may tend to talk with you more as you yell less. You will learn more about what is going on, creating a better communication atmosphere as both will communicate respectfully.
Let’s ask a question.
Why do you feel the need to yell at your child?
If we examine this question, there may not be easy answers. Perhaps you have had a difficult day. Maybe you wanted to stop by a store to pick up something, and you expected to be in and out quickly only to learn that they were out of stock. A difficult day or an unexpected adverse event can cause your blood pressure to go up and your patience to go down. Your breathing may change, and you may feel more nervous.
Your yelling or getting upset may be due to underlying issues. Your stress may lead to you being hard on your children. If you are stressed, how do you go from being a stressed parent to being a calm, composed, and relaxed parent?
We often feel frustrated when we do not have the control we expect. Sometimes, we wish we had control over things where we have very little control. The example of the store being out of stock of an item you needed is an example.
So, what can you control to reduce your stress level?
Can you do some dinner prep in the morning to reduce evening stress? This is something where you have some control. Could you ensure that backpacks, school bags, and the like are all organized and ready to go the night before to streamline getting prepared to leave your house in the morning? Again, you have some control over this.
Here are some ideas to help you to be a less-stressed parent and work towards win-win communication (with no yelling).
Apply Positive Parenting
To move towards a positive parenting approach, focus on developing a strong, committed relationship between you and your child. Practice communicating based on mutual respect. Part of this approach means explaining what you would like them to do and why it is valuable and important. A positive parenting approach means helping your children learn self-control, which is very valuable to learn (hint, hint).
To make this work, do not resort to punishing immediately, such as yelling. You may not want to resort to punishment at all. Focus on examining why you feel the need to yell and get upset and look for alternative ways. For example, walking away until you are calm and talking to your kids when ready.
You want your children to do the right thing because it is the right thing to do… not because they fear you. Explain to your child why specific tasks and rules are valuable and essential. Teach them to do the right thing. Always show respect; this way, the child will tend towards respect rather than fear.
We show respect by listening to our kids; this will, in return, help your children also respond with respect because your children feel that they are being heard.
Let Your Children Know They Have Some Control
Inform them that if they break a rule, they will lose privileges. Let them know that you are there to enforce the rules, but they can decide if they want to follow the rules or not. They can determine whether they receive a reward for following the rules or face the consequences for breaking the rules.
Never Follow The Monkey
Monkey see . . . Monkey Do. You only have to do it yourself if you want to see your child lose control in frustrating situations. Teach them not to yell by setting an example and not yelling.
If you get mad and start yelling, you are teaching them that it is proper to yell when they are angry or frustrated.
Don’t Break The Rules
If a toy is lost or broken because it was left out, don’t replace it.
If they don’t get to go outside because they didn’t do chores, don’t “give in.”
Don’t even hint that a broken rule/consequence can be ignored.
Remember, They Are Children
Decisions made by a child are not always good decisions. They still have a great deal to learn. if they make a mistake, consider how you can make it a teachable event that does not involve yelling.
It’s OK to Say You’re Sorry
After thinking something over and realizing that you could have managed it differently, it is acceptable to say that you are sorry. This also is mature behavior and is a teaching opportunity too.
Talking is a very civilized way to work through issues. Yelling and displaying frustration are much less so. If you get into the habit of regularly talking to (not at) your child, you will find it rewarding and enjoyable.
Here are some ways to start a conversation about an event that broke a rule.
- “The way that you are acting is making me really sad.” “Let’s talk about it.”
- “I don’t understand why you would do that when you know it isn’t right. I believe that’s not who you are or want to be.”
- “I feel you should work harder to control your emotions. It may not be easy, but I am confident you can do it. I know you are not a mean or rude person.”
Consider how you can make housecleaning chore rules with rewards and consequences. People like to know where the boundaries are (even children), and everyone likes a reward.
These are some ideas on how to move towards a clean home and no yelling. However, you may really need some expert home-cleaning support.
Call us if you need help with certain aspects of house cleaning. Call us at 802-295-6065 if you live in the Upper Valley and need extra support to keep your home clean and tidy. We have provided homeowners of the Upper Valley with top-notch home cleaning services since 1993.